BRUNCH VIOLATIONS! A Must Read! Too Funny!
Y'all would wanna know that this was to be among The Mother of All Brunches - GRANNIE'S 76th BIRTHDAY! “The Wild Woman Lives” and she wanted her very own Brunch, which says a lot! I mean, of all the places she could have chosen over MY BRUNCH! So, I was determined to DELIVER! So, I put a little some'm, some'm extra into it! Duh, like I always do!
I will say, "Thank The Lord" for Family & Good Friends, because had this special day - and for Grannie, too - not unfolded exactly as it did, My Word, just so many "violations," as one of my guests put it! Oh yes, indeed I, I, panicked!
VIOLATION #1 - PANIC IN THE KITCHEN - I had only two more (of 10) dishes to go AND THE BISCUITS, when all Heat In Hell broke loose In MY KITCHEN!
VIOLATION #2 - The oven shut down and all I could think of was, “My Word, NO BISCUITS!" - In disbelief, I stood quiet, frozen, freaked really, in the middle of the kitchen; called Grannie, called for service, called my best friend (whose response was, "Well, just serve rolls!") WHAT! Store-bought rolls! Is she out of her mind! I'd sooner scratch the menu! I can get away with missing somethings on the menu; but, OH NO, NOT The Biscuits!
VIOLATION #3 - The air-conditioner went out (IT WAS HOT AS HELL up in that house). So, for obvious reasons, I was already sweat'n bullets, when my guests complained "It sure is hot in here!" And, and, truly, I wasn't even try'na feel'm for all I was going through in that moment, try'na keep it together! Nobody knew the panic I was in over, SERIOUSLY, HOW CAN I SERVE BRUNCH WITH “NO BISCUITS!”
VIOLATION #4 - The guests were very late, which is a violation in and of itself; but, well, this one time, I was THANKFUL for my hour-late guests). And yes, we waited and literally all of us applauded, when the biscuits finally arrived, almost 2 hours later! Thank The Good Lord, "Grannie's Signature Mimosas," saved the day! One guest said that it was the best Mimosa she’d ever had!
VIOLATION #5 - I forgot to make the ice cream (for Grannie's favorite Scratch-Made Triple Chocolate Cake with Hot Fudge Topping); Grannie don't do store bought! And, not that it mattered, as that cake was gone in a blink! And, and, I’m sure it made'm think! By the bewildered look on the faces of guests unfamiliar with #ToGoContainersPlease and #DontTouchMyBag standard of my brunches, were truly baffled that all of the cake was gone BEFORE they'd even gotten up from the table! #WhoAteMyCake
VIOLATION #6 - Clearing a guest's plate before she was finished (I mean, the plate was clean; just a biscuit and some crumbs, is all). When I saw the lone biscuit on the plate, I pondered for only a second, “Hmm! Left My Biscuit?” Let me tell y'all, when you leave My Biscuit on your plate, I be seriously contemplating, "Do it look like they bit out of it?" Y'all, be saving it to take home; betta put some obvious bite marks, slob, lipstick or something, wrap That sucka up and hide it somewhere! Because, I ain't about to waste a good biscuit! And, I ain't the only one scouting! Y'all be in my kitchen looking for another biscuit! Do you hear me!
So, anyway, the guest had long gotten up from the table. So, brunch is over now, I’m in clean up mode, strictly focused on MY PROCESS, because, heck, ain’t nobody sitting here and not for awhile now! So, I begin to clear and WAIT, you'da thought I violated the woman! She yelled from across the room, “Don’t touch MY BISCUIT; I’ve been keeping my eye on it! NO, NO, THAT’S MY BISCUIT!”
The idea of me clearing plates, is all, caused such a frenzy, other guests began scrambling for the leftovers (containers, foil, bags & all). One guest heading out the front door to retrieve something from her car, saying, "I'll be back," thought again, turned right back around and grabbed her bag! It was a funny moment! She called it, "A Violation," to walk away from your food/bag!
VIOLATION #7 - I ran out of To-Go Containers! Nuff said!
THOUGH, ALL SAID, mannnn, if I could have recorded it and to my GREAT RELIEF, Grannie's Brunch turned out beauuuuuuutifully. Grannie is clearly all of our SUPER SHERO! Our testimonies spoke volumes of the love and respect for THE WILD WOMAN, WHO NEVER GETS THE BLUES! As one of our guests so perfectly put it, Grannie's life "is like The Movie we all need to see!" WOW!
Oh, yeah and My girlfriend & Godson saved the day, picked up THE BISCUITS, threw them bad boys in her oven and everything else had to be cooked on the stove top, but it was ALL GOOD! REEEEEALLY GOOD! And the next day, the air and oven were back on - air panel just needed a battery and the oven, well, I guess I was over working that baby!
LESSONS LEARNED from a Collective Guest response:
LESSON #1 - DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT SERVING BRUNCH WITHOUT THE BISCUITS!
LESSON #2 - Don’t touch MY BISCUIT!
LESSON #3 - Don't Touch My Plate!
LESSON #4 - Don't Touch My Bag!
LESSON #5 - Don't let me leave home without my to-go container! As one guest said, "You shoulda told me; I'd've brought my own container!
But, I mean, how could I know, it ain’t like y’all be taking only one container! LOL
#ThingsThatMakeYouGoOom #SLAPBiscuits #BlackEyeBiscuits
